Dog EAT Dog World

In my pretend world (Mr. Roger's gets one. . .why don't I), I think I would set it up to be a Dog Eat Dog World. Literally. I don't care for dogs. Here are my top 3 reasons why:

1. Dogs are messy. Like every other creature in the world, dogs poop. That in and of itself is disgusting but natural. . . and i can accept it. Well sometimes. At a distance. A long, long, out of sight out of smell distance.

I think the experience that reaffirmed in our hearts and minds that we would never be dog owners is when we moved into our Deer Crossing home in Arizona. We bought the house from not just any ordinary dog lovers. . . but dog hoarders. They had 7, SEVEN, yes VII dogs in their backyard. Naively we thought they had cleaned up after their dogs until the first monsoon rain storm hit and suddenly our entire backyard wafted the noxious odor of dog poop. It was foul. It was disgusting. It was THREE, 3, III garbage bags full of someone elses dogs disgusting dodo.

2. Dogs are expensive. I always thought that dogs, like handguns, cost about $80. I was wrong. And as it turns out dogs, like handguns, cost hundreds of dollars. Then after the initial investment you have to pay for food, for the vet, for the "we-don't-want-millions-of-puppies-everywhere" surgery, for collars, and leashes, and dog sweaters . . .

On one occasion while on visiting my parents in Utah, we got into the routine of giving the boys nightly baths. It was probably night four or five into our vacation that my dad came into the dining room and asked, "So who has been bathing the boys?" I quickly claimed ownership of that ritual. Then with a twinkle in his eye he said, "Well, I just thought I'd let you know that you've been using dog shampoo." Oh brother.

3. Dogs are smelly & messy & noisy.

I have FIVE, 5, V boys. I know all about smelly and messy and noisy.

This summer I tarred our driveway. The neighbor come over to say hi. When I opened the door in bolted her two dogs WITH TAR on their feet. You know those moments when you are smiling and trying to be friendly while inside your head your are just screaming and grumbling and going crazy. That was one of those moments. Doggie footprints everywhere. (I should pause here and say that the other neighbors dogs did the same thing all over the garage and patio the next day--so i got the double whammy). I have a million messes of my own to clean up everyday. . . I definitely am not looking for more.

So I had sworn off dogs. Forever. For Always. I would tolerate them out of kindness to others. I know that people love their dogs like family. I can respect. But in all honesty, I do not want any part in it at all.

So what happens? A good, true, wonderful friend here does what? Yup, she asked me to watch her dog. And what do I say? Yes. Miracle. Miracle. Miracle.

Now before you sign me up for Saint-hood. . . I must admit that the conditions warranted such action. My friends father had passed away and out of love for her I simply said yes. To keep it short, we loved, loved, LOVED having the dog. Pula was incredible--obedient, clean, quiet. The kids loved taking her for walks and feeding her. And I liked it a lot more than I ever anticipated. To be honest, for me, it was like having a two year old who (like all my 2-year-olds) constantly stayed within a 10 foot radius of me, was underfoot, and was always begging for food.

Another friend, who owns a dog, found out that I was watching Pula. Before she got too excited I quickly included, "I'm a bereavement dog watcher. . . a bereavement dog watcher ONLY."

I gotta keep up my non-dog loving image. . . I'd hate for people to get the wrong idea.