
Warning this is Long and Ugly (a.k.a. true confessions of Stephanie):
Friday was one of those days. It started with a scratchy throat. "Uh-Oh," I thought, but the day was planned and I was really looking forward to it. Eric had mentioned that for his birthday he wanted to go as a family to the temple. So I called early that morning and made appointments for me to participate in initiatories at 6:15 and Eric to do an endowment at 8:00. (When living in AZ we did family temple trips a lot since the temple was 2 hours away. We would all drive over to Snowflake as a family. Whoever had the first shift with the kids would take them to dinner and then the 2nd person would watch a movie on the laptop with them in the car. It was a pretty slick arrangement and the kids have always, always LOVED it!!!)
Well, I took a well deserved nap in the afternoon to gear up for the late evening. But I woke up feeling worse and realizing that my scratchy sore throat was evolving into a headcold. Oh well. Little did I realize just how much this sore throat, lack of sleep, and high expectations were going to effect me.
My first clue to a disastrous evening should have been when I was listening to my cell phone messages on the way to Anchorage. I should back up. . . when moving up here we stayed in several hotels taking with us the beloved Graco Pack 'N Play. This was THE pack 'n play of choice. I had searched it out . . . waited it for it to go on sale. . . and loved it because it was just the perfect colors. . . and have used it with every bacon baby. Long story short we left it in a hotel room in Oregon. Upon noticing our mistake I called and they said it wasn't there. I emailed the manager but never got a response. Just last week I finally gave up the dream and threw away the bassinet parts--oh how that was hard--but i figured with baby bacon #5 i would just have to end up buying a new one after all. Well one of my two voice messages (by the way, thanks for the birthday message Greg) was the hotel manager calling to ask what we wanted them to do with the pack 'n play. Ugh!! It was terrible. I know it is just a Pack 'N Play. . . but it made me surprisingly sad (I can usually just laugh something like this right off). I should have clued into the fact that I wasn't emotionally stable right then and there and surrendered all emotional accountability.
Well, I tried just tried gearing up for a great evening. But unfortunately we made a wrong turn which took us a few extra minutes to correct and I ended up being about three minutes late to the temple. By that time they had filled my spot in the initiatories. I was devastated and had to fight the urge to just sit down and cry. Luckily I was able to participate in Sealings and enjoyed that and just the peace that the temple provides. . . but my heart was just a little sadden that I had not made it there on time.
Now it is 7:30 and Eric and I traded places. . . in passing he mentions that the kids have way too much energy and are more than anxious to start the movie. I quickly jumped in the car and headed to McDonalds because I wanted a shake for my throat and then wanted Subway. I then realized that I didn't have any money and Eric had taken his wallet with him inside the temple. I managed to scrounge up $1.90 in NICKLES. . . enough to buy me a small shake which I had to wait 20 minutes for (overall we have noticed that the McDonald's staff here in AK have a little bit to be desired).
Back in the temple parking lot I boot up Eric's computer (mine met with misfortune in Seattle and ever since the DVD player hasn't worked). Then to my horror the password screen pops up. I try EVERYTHING. All the usual standby passwords, the family password, Portuguese words he uses. The kids offer their suggestions and I'm desperate enough to try them. Nothing. In their sweetness they offer a prayer (which I truly believed helped but not in obtaining the password).
So what do you do when you have two hours to kill? I debated driving home (which in retrospect I should have done) but opted to find a park. We quickly found a park with a small playground and a tire swing (that I believe was an answer to our earlier prayer because parks here are often strips of grass and a bench). The kids happily played for about an hour and then it started to get dark and cold. So at 9 p.m. we headed back to the temple parking lot. where we told fairy tales stories and the kids romped around in the car.
You know how you gear yourself for "Dad" to come home at Five . . . at 4:59 you are doing great. 5:05 passes and you are still holding it together. but by 5:15 you've lost it. you've clocked out. you need him home. it is almost like you've paced yourself all day long for this event of dad coming home, adult conversation, help with the kids, a change in the dynamics of home life. . . and then when it doesn't happen things just start crashing. . . your patience is gone, your spontaneity is lost. . .
I think that is what happened to me on Friday. I was tired, I was sick, I was hungry but I was holding it together. I was sure that Eric was receiving my telepathic vibes that life wasn't going as planned and that I NEEDED him to hurry out of the temple. I had told myself 9:30. . . 9:45 at the latest. Surely he'd be out by then. So when the patrons started filing out the front doors at 9:30 I was sure that every man in a white shirt was Eric. And when it wasn't I was sure he was going to be the next person. . . and he wasn't, and he wasn't, and he wasn't. And I began to crash. I know this is totally irrational. . . but those were really my thoughts. By the time he made it to the van it was just after 10. . . long past my personal emotional limit (not to mention the kids and especially Sam who was begging to go home and go to bed). It was all I could do to gesture for Eric to start the car and head home.
Funny how you just have those days. I suppose they really make you appreciate feeling rested days, the healthy days, the feeling full days, the ready to tackle the world days, the expectations met days, the made it where i was going on time days, the emotionally sound and rearing for adventure days, and just the normal days.